


Don't Quote Me On This

by josephina_x



Series: Easter!Clark, Stubborn Lex [3]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Easter Eggs, Fluff, Gen, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 12:33:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's generally a 50-50 chance as to whether Lex will thoroughly research anything Clark is going to introduce him to first -- since Lex generally doesn't like surprises -- or just go with the flow and let Clark actually teach him about something he doesn't already know. This time? It's the second one. (Note from a now-wiser Lex to future self: the jury's still out on being more careful when contemplating letting certain young farmboys know what you don't. Also, even if Clark says you're supposed to eat the eggs after finding them, you really don't have to, but you probably should anyway to avoid the pouting.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Quote Me On This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twinsarein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinsarein/gifts).



> Title: Don't Quote Me On This  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: pre-Clex  
> Rating: PG (extremely mild cursing, can be read as a friendship fic)  
> Spoilers: general for early seasons, with light references to Season 2  
> Word count: ~2400  
> Summary: It's generally a 50-50 chance as to whether Lex will thoroughly research anything Clark is going to introduce him to first -- since Lex generally doesn't like surprises -- or just go with the flow and let Clark actually teach him about something he doesn't already know. This time? It's the second one. (Note from a now-wiser Lex to future self: the jury's still out on being more careful when contemplating letting certain young farmboys know what you don't. Also, even if Clark says you're supposed to eat the eggs after finding them, you really don't have to, but you probably should anyway to avoid the pouting.)  
> Warnings: Un-beta'd. Slightly cracktastic, but that's par for the course when the boys are just being the boys, y'know?  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: Comment fic written for [twinsarein](http://twinsarein.livejournal.com)'s [2012 smallearth Easter Basket (original post lives here)](http://smallearth.livejournal.com/104612.html). Prompts used include "Clex", "happy endings", "fluff", and "favorite part of Easter?: Dying eggs with my twins and watching them hunt for them". More notes at the end of the fic.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Famous last words:

"People actually do that?"

And so it came to pass that Lex Luthor, scion of the glittering jewel that is Metropolis, was introduced to the idea of dyeing eggs to celebrate Easter by Clark Kent, farmboy and posterboy for Smallville healthy-living.

It didn't go well.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"...You boil them first?"

This left Lex feeling a little better about the idea. Perhaps this was to help prevent accidents in the 'finding' portion of the egg hunt. Lex could see how accidentally stepping on an egg would not be nearly so messy if the egg in question was boiled.

It would also prevent a bad egg smell from pervading the area if not all eggs were found and retrieved, because apparently these egghunts sometimes occurred _indoors_...

Clark just gave him a _look_ as Lex mused over this concept.

"You really haven't ever done this before, have you?" Clark's lowering tone converted it from inquisitive to a statement.

Lex fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes, Clark, I am the canonical poor little rich boy," he shot back sarcastically, with a smirk that bordered on a leer. He needed no pity. It wasn't as though this seemed like it was going to be much fun; it looked more like work to him.

Clark, however, had no such constraints on his behavior, and gave Lex a noteworthy eye-roll before staring back down at the large pot of water steaming on the stove.

"A watched pot never boils?" Lex tried.

Clark sighed gustily. "Does too so. Just watch."

"But then it'll never boil," Lex said, teasing. "I'll be stuck here forever with eggs left undyed."

Clark got a slow smile and stared down at the pot of water even harder. Lex got the sudden impression that Clark would be totally ok with that.

Lex suppressed a sigh and leaned back against the kitchen counter, surveying the rest of the kitchen and living room.

A few minutes later, the water was boiling.

And Clark promptly grabbed the egg carton and practically dumped all the eggs in.

Lex winced.

Luckily, none of the eggs broke in the pot.

Clark kept his focus on the stove, as he grabbed a teakettle, filled it with water, and started that boiling as well.

Lex frowned and raised an eyebrow. It was bad enough that Clark was practically ignoring him, but -- "We need _more_ boiling water?"

"For the egg dye."

"Why can't we use the boiling water from the egg pot?"

Clark gave him another _look_. Apparently this was not how it was done.

"It'll smell like eggs if we do that," Clark explained, like this was common sense knowledge, going back to his pot-watch.

Lex blinked at him. "Won't the eggs _already_ smell like--?" He stopped when Clark shot him another look.

"Fine, fine, no messing with Kent family traditions," Lex ended, raising his hands in surrender.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"These wires aren't long enough," Lex complained, giving the so-called 'egg holder' a critical look, slowly twirling it in his fingers.

"They're fine, Lex--"

"I'm going to get dye all over my hands."

"No, you won't, and you can just wash--"

"Or my clothes. There's no splash guard," he continued, looking over at the assortment of teacups filled with boiling water, vinegar, and various combinations and amounts of food dye.

"Lex, it'll be fine as long as you're careful and don't accidentally _drop_ them in--"

"And these cups are too small for the eggs. They won't be completely covered," he pointed out. "The eggs won't be evenly dyed."

"You're supposed to use the wire holder to turn them over. With less water in the cups, you can do half-colors this way."

"Half-colors?"

"You put one end in one color, and the other end in another color."

"...At the same time?" Lex said dubiously, trying to imagine that and failing miserably.

"No, Lex, you--" Clark shook his head in exasperation, then demonstrated by carefully placing a boiled egg in the loop end, lowering it into the liquid, and hooking the grasping end over the lip of the cup. "You finish dyeing one color completely, _then_ do the other."

Lex frowned down at the egg. "Aren't you going to end up with a white line ringing the egg where it's sitting against the wire?"

"It's not that big a deal," Clark scoffed.

Lex frowned at his young friend.

"It's fine!"

Lex continued to frown at him.

Clark sighed. "Ok, look, you can rotate it a little if you want, and get all the edges, if it's really that big a deal," Clark said, holding the wire still with one hand and rotating the egg with a finger against the bare top that was exposed out of the dye-water.

"But the coloring won't be even," Lex pointed out. "And--"

"Lex!"

Lex stopped, but it took some effort.

"Lex, we're dyeing the eggs, not painting them like... like Faberge eggs or something? It doesn't have to be perfect."

Lex frowned at him and pointed out, "Fabrege eggs aren't painted, they're made of jewels and precious metals and--" that was really beside the point, anyway. If it was worth doing, it was worth doing _right_.

"This is how people dye eggs. Ok? And it looks better if you don't dye them evenly."

Lex doubted that very much. People who couldn't do something _right_ usually made excuses like that. He'd never thought _Clark_ was one of those people, though.

"It does, Lex. It looks better. More interesting."

_Oh. 'More interesting,' huh?_

Lex wavered.

"Just try it out first, ok?"

Lex gave up at Clark's puppy-dog eyes. "Fine, fine," he said. "Just... explain why you think _that_ cup will make the eggs come out pink and _that_ one will make them red just because that one has marginally more dye in it than the other?"

Clark groaned.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex had to admit that the dyed eggs did look a _little_ interesting. He'd tried various times of submersion and combinations between dye-cups and gotten some strange results he hadn't expected -- and he felt that was saying something, considering his biochem background.

He was lucky to have that background, considering that Clark hadn't been able to explain the dye-to-water-and-vinegar-to-resulting-egg-color ratio very well, and instead fought back by pestering Lex about how maybe he ought to know 'something similar from some science thing sometime that had different results or less results or something with less stuff added in.'

It really hadn't helped that when Lex had initially balked at the idea -- dyeing eggs _obviously_ being _completely different_ than, say, cooking up a batch of nitroglycerin -- Clark had brought up "baking-soda volcanos", whatever those were. It had taken a bit of effort to get the details of the 'science experiment' out of Clark, but Lex had been surprised to learn that this -- and the explanation Clark had been given afterwards by his teacher -- had been for an _elementary school level_ project.

Lex was seriously starting to wonder if he'd missed something, having attended Excelsior Prep instead of progressing through Smallville's public school system. It was a depressing thought.

He _had_ gotten dye on his hands, though. And it _hadn't_ washed out completely. It had turned out not to matter how careful Lex had been during the dyeing process -- it seemed that the food dye still rubbed off a bit even after the dyed eggs were carefully washed off and cooled. Clark had offered a bleach solution, but Lex didn't like the idea of using something so caustic, so he'd declined. And then he'd had to put up with Clark telling him not to complain about multicolored fingers if he wouldn't wash up properly.

But now they had dyed eggs.

And Clark wanted to have an egg hunt.

_Well, at least he wants to do this around the farm, instead of the mansion..._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex quickly came to the conclusion that "Clark is _entirely_ too good at hiding and finding eggs," which he also found himself explaining to Mrs. Kent, when she had walked in the front door and caught the two of them stooping around the living room. Or, rather, Lex was doing the stooping and Clark was doing the timing. They'd swapped roles about thirty minutes ago when Clark had found all of the eggs Lex had hidden within a good five minutes.

Clark indicated, in not so many words -- just an, "Oh, really?" and a grin, in fact -- that maybe Lex just sucked at it.

Lex shot him a glare. _Oh, it's **on** , farmboy._

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Lex, maybe we should go back to doing this in the house? It's, uh..."

"Easier?" Lex sent him a glare.

"...Warmer?" Clark tried desperately, shifting from foot-to-foot.

Mr. Kent had more-or-less banished them outside. It had been galling to find out that Clark had been going _easy_ on him indoors.

It was worse to find that the barn was turning out to be even more difficult to find things inside.

"It's not really well-lit in here, anyway. And the colors don't stand out all that much," Clark sympathized.

Lex nearly growled belligerently at this pronouncement. "You didn't seem to have any trouble finding them," he replied thinly, shooting Clark a _look_ of his own.

Clark had the grace to wince, but not the sense to shut up. "But I've been doing egg hunts every year since I've been little. I've got way more practice," he tried again.

If Clark was trying to make him feel better, it really wasn't working out that way.

"Maybe it's just that I've got home-front advantage, you know? I already know where all the good hiding places are, and all the places where to look," Clark tried again.

Lex froze. If Clark suggested that they move this to the mansion and he did just as poorly, he'd never live it down.

"Plus, I got to practice with plastic day-glo eggs with my parents before graduating to real ones. Real ones really are harder."

Lex gathered up the tattered remains of his pride and said, carefully, "Ok, Clark."

"Ok?"

"Yes." _You win, I'll take the out._

"Um. Right. Good." Clark looked both nervous and relieved. "So, maybe we can go back inside now? For hot chocolate and Easter candy or something?"

"Sure, Clark."

He waited for the thirty seconds it took Clark to retrieve the still-hidden eggs from their locations, watching him and cursing himself inwardly as he saw where Clark had put them.

"Oh, that's not fair! That one was in a drawer!" Lex complained hotly as Clark pulled the last one out of the large free-standing toolchest.

"...Not fair?"

"Clark, there's no way you or your father would be all right with me rifling through your things. I know that. You know that. And you know I know that." It was tantamount to digging into Clark's secrets, as far as Lex was concerned. Unacceptable and disallowed behavior! And Clark had taken advantage of that to win. Totally underhanded, highly Luthorian, and completely unfair! This was supposed to be a _Kent_ game!

Clark blinked at him, then opened his mouth, then closed it again. He bit his lip and seemed a little put out.

"I... I did say you could hide them anywhere, right?" Clark said tentatively. And from his attitude, he had clearly meant the opposite implication from that, as well.

"I thought you meant 'within reason'," Lex griped.

There was a rather long pause, which Lex had not expected, and thus he turned and paid very close attention to Clark. Clark looked vaguely non-nervous. No, _extremely_ not nervous. ...No, scratch that -- he couldn't look less nervous if he _tried_ , which was just...

Something suddenly occurred to Lex.

"...Clark, have you _still_ been going easy on me?!"

"Um..." said Clark.

" _Clark!_ "

Clark winced.

"I can't believe this!" Lex fumed, pacing back and forth.

"Geez, Lex, it's your first time! I wasn't gonna go hiding them in the rafters on you for your first time!"

Lex whipped around and stared at him.

Clark's eyes widened and he looked like he wanted to slap his hands over his mouth.

"You---!" Lex wanted to smack him. _He'd considered putting them in the damn rafters?!?_

"I-- that's not--" Clark stammered, before collecting himself. "Pete started it!" Clark protested desperately, as a half-explanation.

 _What?_ "What the hell does Pete have to do with--" Then Lex stopped as his mind caught up to his anger: Clark had known Pete since he was little; Clark had probably done egg hunts with Pete when he was little; ergo, if Pete had 'started it' then Pete had probably hid them in the rafters on Clark 'first'.

"I thought Pete knew you were acrophobic?" Lex said slowly.

"Uh--" Clark looked confused.

"Uncomfortable at great heights?" Lex said mildly.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. He does. Did. Has for awhile."

"...Dare I ask how old you were when Pete first started hiding eggs in the rafters for you to find?"

"Um." Clark frowned in concentration. "...Seven, I think?"

Right. It was official. Lex was going to strangle Pete.

...What if Clark had fallen?

Lex took it back. Strangling was too good for Pete.

"Lex, I wasn't gonna do that to you. I know you don't like heights much, either," Clark said, approaching him slowly, like Lex might spook if he wasn't careful.

Lex slid his hands into his pockets and resisted the urge to sigh. "At least I'm better at finding bugs," Lex said mildly, looking down at the dirt floor and thinking of the 'delousing' of his library-office, trying to turn the mood a little lighter.

Then he remembered how he'd been demolishing things. And the shocked look on Clark's face when he'd walked in. And how Clark had been better at finding the listening devices in his office than him, too.

Clark grimaced a little and stopped just short of gathering Lex up in his arms, well within his personal space. The basket holding the eggs was dangling from his fingers, and if not for that Lex figured that he probably _would_ have been the recipient of a hug.

"Ok," said Clark.

"Ok?" Lex echoed, looking up.

"Sure. Next time we'll boil and dye bugs. Get your dad in on it, hiding them, and everything," Clark said seriously. "It can be a new Luthor family tradition."

Lex stared at Clark for a moment.

Then he burst out laughing.

Clark grinned.

~*~*~*~*~*~

END

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Author's Note:**

> AN2: Note from future Lex to his past self: ask Clark to introduce you to the concept of "hot-and-cold" until you're better at finding things. (It's _not_ cheating. Clark swears it isn't, and that should be good enough for us.)


End file.
